


Something is not quite right here

by sarcasticGear



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternians are dicks but so are skaians, Amnesia, And honestly I don't blame him., Dirk feels nothing but contempt for tumblr, F/F, F/M, Gen, Interdimensional Aliens, Language Barrier, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Mention of torture, Mentions of cyberbullying, Minor Character Death, People with a loose definition of morality, Robotic limb, Short Chapters, Unhappy marriage, War Crimes, alternative universe, deserted island, kind of, mainly pesterlog format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 17:57:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12776364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticGear/pseuds/sarcasticGear
Summary: TT: I can't shake off the feeling that, somehow, there is something watching us.TT: Me, especially.TT: If I don't come back from this trip, I'm haunting the shit out of bro.





	1. What the fuck even

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I actually have one question. Why did I start writing another story when I still have ESNPH to finish?

TG: tadah

TT: What the fuck.

TG: oh yeah btw

TG: happy birthday kiddo

TT: What the actual fuck.


	2. Boredom

TG: so

TG: basically ur sayin he sent u on a depressed island all on ur own  


TG: *deserted not depressed lmao  


TT: Not on my own. He sent a bunch of people with me.

TT: It's like I'm twelve all over again, I have nannies.

TG: lol well ur not ecxactly a boy scout if u kno what i mean

TT: Still.

TT: I have no idea why he thinks that a tropical, deserted island is the perfect place to celebrate my 17th birthday.

TG: mayb he hopes u will come outta dat shell of urs

TT: Maybe. But he should know I'm not exactly interested in studying exotic flora and/or fauna.

TG: ik but liek

TG: there r many other things u could do there

TG: swim a bit

TG: tan

TG: who kno maybe ull find some exotic tarzan boi *wonk*

TT: I hate swimming in the ocean.

TT: And I don't tan, I burn.

TT: You know that.

TT: The Tarzan bit'd be nice, too bad I have yet to see even just one animal.

TG: grr dont be a spoilpsort

TG: *spoilsport

TG: winey whiney di-stri u need to carpe tf outta dat diem!

TG: when will u get anuther occasion like this 1

TT: ... You know what? Fine.

TT: Since you're so insistent, I'll try and get the most out of this... experience.

TT: Who knows, I may end up actually having fun.

TT: And, if this turns out to be as mind-numbingly boring as I fear, one of the guys here seems to know something about robotics. And also appears to have a Rarity phone cover.

TT: So I'm relatively sure I can, if needed, chat with him a bit.

TG: das teh spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have several chapters already written, but most of them are pretty short.   
> Just, don't expect regular updates... I'm not the most reliable author out there, sadly :')


	3. Kitty!

TT: I may actually have to take back that statement about not being interested in studying the flora/fauna of the island.

TG: what do u mean

TT: It's... weird. 

TT: I'm relatively sure none of these animals exist out of this island.

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] has joined the memo --

GG: Care to provide an example?

TT: I've seen a huge white cat.

TG: a big kitty

TG: so

TT: With two mouths.

GG: ...

TG: huh

TT: And, right now, a girl part of the team is petting what looks like the lovechild of a huge otter and a ram.

TG: wtf

TT: What the fuck indeed.

TG: photos or it didnt happen u know tha rulez

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] sent a file --

TG: omg thats adorbs

TG: i want that kitty

TG: now 

GG: They're... completely white.

TT: Yeah. All the animals we've seen are completely white.

TG: omfg where did ol Da-Stri even send u

TT: Hell if I know.

TT: I feel like I'm trapped inside Jumanji.

GG: Hmmm...

TG: well if u see robbin williams say hi 2 him 4 me

TT: Will do.

GG: Dirk.

GG: Be careful.

TT: Don't worry Crocker, I'll be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, m'dudes.
> 
> Also I plan on adding images, in the future. Warning, my art is not that great.


	4. Dragon

TT: This island only gets weirder and weirder.

GG: Oh?

GG: That sounds like a dastardly high level of weird, if I do say so myself! 

TT: Indeed.

TT: During these last days we've found out that the island hosts some kind of deer lions, centaurs, two-headed ogres and at least one dragon.

GG: ...

TG: wha

GG: Centaurs? Ogres? A *dragon*?

GG: Why do I feel like we're being tricked? >:B

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] sent a file --

GG: ... Oh

TG: holy crapola

TG: k i cant find the dragon anywhere on tha web so i thinl its not a photoshoè

TG: *pjotosholp

TG: ugh even worse

TT: I'm not pranking you guys.

TT: I have no idea whether it breathes fire or not, but I've seen it fly.

TT: It's the legit deal.

GG: ... What about the ogres?

TT: Dumber than Roxy's last cat.

GG: And the centaurs?

TT: Just as white and unable of speech as everything else.

TT: Zacharias looked one second away from creaming his pants, when we saw them.

TG: ew lol

GG: Zacharias?

TT: Edward Zacharias. The guy with the Rarity phone cover.

TT: Yeah, that guy is even more obsessed about anything horse-related than me.

GG: Which is truly a feat, hoo-hoo!

TT: What can I say. Gotta step up my game, I guess.

GG: Drown him in Rainbow Dash merch.

TT: He won't know what hit him.

TG: cover him in all tha weird horse pron u have on ur phone

TT: Hell no, he'll cause a flood if I do that.

TT: He has a bit of a perspiration problem.

TG: wut

TT: He sweats like a motherfucker.

GG: ... Ew.


	5. 94.5 parsecs and an universe away

\-- mephistosFrivolity [MF] began trolling wrathfulHistorian [WH] at 06:14 --

MF: I can't believe this bvllshit what the fvck.

WH: Whhat

MF: Gvess which fvcker fvcking got relocated to grvbfvcking Prospit?

WH: Uhh

WH: From thhe fact thhat it sseemss to be a rethhoric quesstion

WH: And from thhe excessssive ussage of curssing

WH: Im guessssing it wass you

MF: DING DING DING GIVE THIS MAN A FVCKING MEDAL.

HW: Fuck

WH: Whho thhe hhell did you pissss off Wetrin

MF: Nobody! Which makes this even MORE bvllshit, if yov ask me!

MF: They jvst fvcking need more psychics on the front lines.

WH: HHAHHAHHAHHHAHH 

WH: I SSO KNEW YOUR PSSI WASS GONNA COME BITE YOU IN THHE SSHHAMEGLOBESS ONE DAY OR THHE OTHHER

MF: Yovr qvirk slipped.

MF: And, piss off. The only reason they didn't call yov too is that yov're an vseless pvrpleblood with no voodoos.

MF: ... thhat wass uncalled for

MF: Vgh. Alright, I'm sorry.

MF: Yov need to do something abovt those self-esteem issves of yovrs thovgh.

MF: It's not like yovr worth is based off yovr powers... or lack of.

WH: Little pale thhere Wetrin?

MF: Wow, fvck yov.

WH: Hhehh

WH: But

WH: Thhankss I guessss

MF: No problem.

MF: ... I wish this war wovld end already.

WH: ...

WH: Yeahh

WH: Me too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Plot? Maybe? Perhaps?  
> I have no idea. But I apologize for the gratuitous use of OCs.


	6. Ribbit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me so long because, while I already had it all written, I just wasn't satisfied with the result. If the whole messaging between Dirkie and Aradia seems forced, please let me know. In the end notes I put an extra scene from the original version, which I kind of liked but didn't know how to incorporate with the new format of the chapter. Also, I literally just looked up chinese names and mexican surnames for Aradia's name, so idk. If that name is not an actual name tell me, I know how annoying it is.
> 
> ALSO. I'm European, which means I may end up not being able to update this story, because some fucking dumbass decided that fandoms are breaking the law on copyright. Woo-hoo.

TT: There's a frog temple.

TT: What the fuck.

 

* * *

 

 

AA: filling in y0ur friends are y0u

AA: l00ks like y0ure having m0re fun than y0u anticipated

TT: If by "having fun" you mean "trying to wrap my head around the absurdity of the flora, fauna and the huge temple decorated with a frog statue", then sure.

TT: I am having fun.

TT: Besides, why are you messaging me? You're in my line of sight.

AA: yes but y0u are pretty far behind

TT: No need to point that out.

AA: and i d0nt feel like screaming t0 have y0u hear me

AA: n0 matter th0ugh

AA: i actually wanted t0 ask if y0ure finding this as interesting as i d0

AA: i mean were the first pe0ple to walk 0n these stairs in g0d kn0ws h0w l0ng

TT: About that.

TT: Shouldn't we wait for an archaeologist to do this?

TT: Wouldn't want to step onto some ancient dishwasher or set off some weird trap.

AA: 0h, but i am

AA: an archae0l0gist i mean

AA: ah-lai martin

AA: maybe y0uve heard 0f me

TT: ...

AA: ill take that as a yes

AA: did y0u think y0ur br0ther sent y0u with s0me rand0m assh0les

TT: I mean, he kind of sent me on an island inhabited by dragons.

TT: And literally all I know about you guys is that you all have some pretty heavy issues and for fuck knows what reason like to type like some 12 year old who just learned leetspeak.

AA: g00d p0int

TT: Hold up, Jane is answering me. Go up without me, I'll reach you.

AA: alright

* * *

GG: A what now?

TT: A frog temple.

TT: Believe it or not, in the middle of the island there's this huge temple.

TT: It'd look like a precolombian pyramid or something, except it has this huge frog sculpture on the top.

TT: Fuck knows how they got it up there.

TT: Also it's ridicolously tall. I'm one step away from keeling the fuck over out of sheer exhaustion, and I'm not even on the top yet.

GG: You sure it's because it's tall, and not because of all the instant ramen you eat?

TT: Dattebayo, motherfucker.

GG: Ha!

GG: So... people lived on the island?

TT: Apparently so.

TT: We have yet to find other buildings though.

GG: Maybe their houses were made in less durable materials?

TT: Maybe so. But you should see the carvings, Crocker. Haven't seen anything like this before.

TT: Sounds weird that people able to make something like this would be unable to make decent buildings.

GG: Hmmm...

TT: We probably just haven't found the cities yet. We still have to explore most of the island.

GG: Yes, that's probably it.

GG: But Dirk, this is so exciting! A lost civilization!

TT: And weird, mutant animals.

TT: And plants I'm sure I've seen in at least seven different hentais.

GG: Uh... what?

TT: Nevermind.

TT: Still, as honestly interesting this all is, I can't shake off the feeling that we shouldn't try to get into the temple.

TT: Or whatever it is.

GG: Seriously? Why is that?

TT: Aside for the fuckton of steps? This place feels way too... still.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined the memo Weird Hopefully Not Cursed Island Adventures --

TG: lol ofc its still its stone

TG: do u thunk stones start dancing whe ur not lookinh

TG: *looking

TT: Hi Roxy.

TT: And no, that's not what I mean.

TT: There are no nests on the steps. Actually, animals in general seem to be avoiding this place like the plague, it's eerily quiet.

TT: I don't like this. At all.

TG: dont be a pusspuss

GG: I'm sure it's nothing, Dirk.

TT: If you say so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- "That so." He asked in a monotone, trying to hide how winded he actually was.  
> "Indeed!" Ah-Lai, instead, was as chipper as ever, not showing any hint of fatigue. How.  
> He wasn't unfit by any standard, but even he, after minutes of climbing pretty damn ripid stairs, was about to call uncle, and this chick (who didn't look incredibly muscled or anything), apparently had no problem whatsoever.  
> Shit was inhuman.  
> He was readying himself to suffer through the heart attack he knew he was coming (he wasn't going to let a puny girl emasculate him so much), when his honorable way out came in the form of Jane answering the memo.-


End file.
